Monday, September 17, 2012

Struggles and Successes

This is from emails I sent out to my mom last Thursday.  This is just honestly how I was feeling and still continue to feel sometimes here.


I'm trying to take things one day at a time, but I'm isolating myself a bit and just really struggling with being here more than physically.  I don't know if it is that life is slow here, or I still just feel unfamiliar, or I need church (I'm going tonight, God willing), or if I'm just whining, but I can't stop thinking about the other place.  About home and George Fox.  I'm having a hard time accepting it.  I am REALLY excited to come home.  I think I just thought it would be different.  I had high expectations..  I find myself thinking, "I should go to Mexico- that is the culture I love".  And maybe it's true, but I have a feeling I'm just looking for a grassier area.  I'm looking for peace.  And still, my family is great.  But I'm not spending much time with them, and I haven't really met any other locals, so at school it is just my professor (who sometimes bugs me with her patriotism and classifying and generalizing of people), and the other international students.  I haven't really tried to make local friends.

I thought this would be paradisiacal.. ha.  I don't think any place can be.  I think it is a state of mind and soul.  And I'm just getting bored.  I think about the 3+ months that I have left here, and it seems like a lot- overwhelming.  I almost want to quit and go home.  It's just really hard.  Have you heard this phrase: "When I feel bad, I decide to stop feeling bad and be awesome instead."?  I've been trying to employ that, or at least say it as a mantra "When I miss home, I stop missing home and be awesome, or experience something awesome here instead".  But it takes effort.  That is what I'm learning.  

Looking to the positive.  There are some really great people here.  I got to walk through the rain today and it was nice.  I whistled "if all the raindrops were lemon drops and gum drops...".  I had a fun conversation today with a girl I had previously judged/been intimidated by.  Edgar made me scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast.  Eyleen is feeling better.  Tomorrow vamos a la playa (we're going to Tamarindo) for the weekend.
I have to write and tell you that tonight the church service was wonderful.  It wasn't even so much the service as it was meeting Luis, who works for Verítas and attends this church.  He also leads a bible study with like 30 tico students each week that I want to go to.  And all in español.  =D  

I almost started crying when we entered the church today in hearing the voices of followers being lifted up to the heavens...  I have missed that so dearly.  The two girls from Fox went too, along with another girl I'm really growing to like and respect and girl and a boy that I just met.  But goodness, mom.  I can see potential for making tico friends through church.  There's this service on thursdays, the bible study on tuesdays, and Luis pointed out a church near my house that is supposed to be a lot of fun.  Anndd he has a bunch of Spanish Christian music he's willing to share.  It was like jumping in a lake- so refreshing and comforting to be with people of the same faith again.  It was the taste of something beautiful, and meeting Luis, having this connection and experience, is a shine of hope for these next 3 months.  Por fin!  

So this is just a testimony of how God answers prayers, and how hope comes in community.  Ah, lovely.


No comments:

Post a Comment